This week, Rooted photographer Cassandra Adamson brings you Hope’s story. She is part of a group of homeless in Austin that you might never see. When given the choice between death and homelessness, she chose the streets. Read on to find out more, and be sure to come back next week for the next installment in our series on homelessness in Austin.

The identities of Hope and Jessica in the following story have been changed because of concern for their physical safety.

Hope warned me that her story is not a nice one. January 31 marked the first full year she was free of drugs in the last 30 years. For the past three years she’s been struggling to escape from the shadow of an abusive husband and a family that can’t believe she’s changed her habits. Now, she’s learning to be an independent, single mom after being homeless for more than a year.

Hope lives in a an apartment at Saint Louise House, which is a home for single mothers with children who need a secure place they can call their own. Rachel Akins, director of capacity building at Saint Louise House, said that about half the families she sees have a background of domestic violence.

“Hope decided that recovery was needed for her life and her child and that her family actually would not be good for her recovery,” Akins said.

Her family never gave her encouragement as a child, Hope said. Her mother later told her that Hope’s life was a negative impact on her own. This led to chronic low self-esteem and the use of drugs to escape her emotional turmoil.

“I stopped growing — in my mind — at 12 years old when I started smoking pot every day,” Hope said. After years of steadily increasing drug abuse that evolved into a meth habit 10 years ago, she found she had no living skills. She didn’t have the mental skills to adapt to her feelings. “I lived with a man that didn’t allow any emotions.”

Now secure in an apartment at Saint Louise House in Austin, Hope is able to look forward and grow from her experiences. She recently decided that she wanted to start sharing her experience with others.

When she first walked into the room, she was naturally rather shy about being interviewed, but seemed talkative and eager to get started. However, as I pulled out my recording device and set it up, her eyes grew wide and she began to cry, stating that she didn’t think she could do this after all. A couple of staff members calmed her and we all decided that I would write down her story — a microphone was still too invasive.

Her life as a child was troubled. She described herself as a people pleaser and as a follower. She battled low self-esteem and started smoking pot to cope. She later married an abusive white supremacist. They had a child named Jessica.

“My 2-year-old was saluting Hitler, playing in the gun yard and massacring black baby dolls,” Hope said.

Eventually it became apparent that Hope’s husband had feelings for someone else.

“I set up situations where he and she were alone,” she said. “But when I finally accused him of infidelity, he beat me with a smile on his face. I knew next time I wouldn’t survive.”

He threatened her with a sword in their next argument. Jessica stood watching as Hope tried to escape through a window. When that proved impossible she gave up and asked him to kill her. But at the last moment, she claimed that her survival instincts kicked in. Her leg caught between her body and his and she managed to kick him in the throat.

“Why didn’t you let me kill you?” he asked.

“Guess you’re not good enough,” she replied. This prompted the worst beating she had ever received from him. Until that point, he would hit her in such a way that it wouldn’t leave a mark, but this time she received bruises all up and down her side from her shoulder to her thigh.

Soon after, his new girlfriend moved in with them. She said he still expected Hope to stay and pay the bills. “He said that he wanted me to be friends with his girlfriend,” she said.

And for a while that worked. She decided that as long as his attention wasn’t on her anymore, she would have a chance to get away. Hope had tolerated the beatings throughout their marriage because she knew that she could get high the next day and forget the emotional and physical pain.

But that wasn’t enough any more. She started praying to God to “strike her down.” She didn’t want her daughter to grow up to become a criminal, and she didn’t want to continue taking drugs even though she couldn’t stop.

“And then God answered my prayers,” Hope said.

Her appendix burst and she was rushed to the hospital. It was difficult to tell the staff about her dangerous living situation because she was barely conscious. She took out her drug paraphernalia for them to see and passed out. She later learned that she briefly died on the operating table before the doctors were able to resuscitate her. Her family, which had been estranged for the last 20 years, took her back home after the drug charges were dropped.

It was almost six months before she was able to rescue her daughter from her husband. She knew once and for all that she was done with her previous lifestyle and it was time for a change.

“I knew I had to get away and take my daughter or [my husband] would kill me,” Hope said. She waited until she received a large tax return to implement her plan. “I gave him the money and got him high enough to not notice and took Jessica away and my family drove me out of there.”

Come back next week to see the rest of Hope’s story and how Austin has opened its arms to her.

Cassandra Adamson reported on and wrote this story. Becky Rother created the illustration.